zondag 9 december 2012

Borderline and asking for attention

Very often I hear outsiders say that people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ask for attention to such a degree that it is exhaustive. Yes I can sure believe that fact, it is not easy. I hear a mom say “my child just begs me for my attention”. A woman says “My husband can never take care of himself”. Or a son says that his sister screams all the time. Yes all of that can happen when being involved with a person having BPD. But what if I told you there is an explanation for this?

So what is the deal here?

Someone having BPD is asking for attention so much, but why is he or she asking for attention all the time? First of all, let’s clarify something here the words “begging for attention” or “asking for attention” are not the right words. See, people with Borderline “ask for support”, because they have had a hard time and still have with the live they lead. When they had a choice, they would not bother anyone with their issues.

The fact of the matter is they need people, because the person with Borderline feels everything more strongly. Then, what should I do? The best advice I can give you is to still think of your own energy level. Can you handle the person with Borderline or put effort into helping him or her? That is great of course. You cannot? That is fine too, just do not put effort in it or try to handle the person. It will only make you go into a direction you do not want to go to.

Either way, what you should do at all times is to gently express your feelings toward someone with Borderline. I cannot emphasize this often enough, because when you express your feelings roughly, you will cross the border of the patient with BPD and you can guess what happens next. In my next blog I will provide two different examples for you to see what way to respond to keep the borderline engaged in the conversation. You can also see an example which shows you a way of responding that would not be a good idea.

Want to go to the next blog already? Click here.

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Until next time.

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