And there we have arrived at part two in the series of blogs about
Borderline and Clinging to a relationships. Did you read part one already? If
not, read it here.
Let’s be practical now and take a look at clinging to a
relationship when you have Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD). A person with
Borderline can in fact have abandoning anxiety, he or she clings to another
person, because the person means everything to him or her. Is a person with
Borderline afraid to be alone? Often you see that a patient having BPD is very
insecure about himself or herself. People with Borderline have a lack of self
esteem and often a relationship is a nice way to make you feel better.
You can focus your attention to the other person and especially a
person who you desire and like. This aspect can make your confidence grow very
fast and this makes you stronger. When that person is not around anymore the
BPD patient is on his own again. The insecurity arises because of the so called
“having trouble processing situations” system like nasty situations occurred in
the person’s childhood. Now, can you do something about this being a BPD
patient and all?
Positive news, YES you can! The thing is, processing situations is
very hard for you. I would never call you names like unstable or clinging for
the simple reason that I know the process of BPD by experience. I know why it
works the way it works. I will elaborate so you can understand, why you or that
person with Borderline has so much trouble with and suffering from extreme abandoning
anxiety. Often, people with Borderline have experienced something traumatic or
have been bullied in the past.
BPD patients are often mad at themselves, because they want to do
every single thing right, it is black or it is white. They do not want to see
the black side, they do not want any fights, they want love, they do not want
nasty things just like anybody else does. A patient having BPD can experience
the smallest negative situation as something extremely big. First of all, it
all feels more intense and second of all, something nasty cannot be put into
perspective.
Because of all the nasty experiences the so called “put up a fight”
system has been activated inside the brain of the person having BPD. He or she
is fighting against nasty situations. He or she never wanted to have a nasty
childhood, so self-acceptance is a big deal. He or she never got accepted by
the bullies and has developed a low self image and does not believe in him or
herself. A BPD patient cannot do something right, for example having a little
chat with someone.
This causes the BPD patient to say that he cannot establish social
contacts, let alone maintain them. This results in thinking he or she cannot go
to parties, because of his or her black-or-white way of thinking. He or she
cannot flirt, hence not getting a relationship. The person having BPD is
blushing a lot and does not hold speeches in class. He or she is not going to
see his or her good friend anymore, because they have been gaming for the past
three days.
He or she did not want to do this. The problem is that he or she
did not let their good friend know, while they could easily do other things in
the future. He or she is not aware of his or her qualities, hence is not going
to job interviews. The person having BPD is afraid to lose his or her partner,
because this person means the world to him or her. Without him or her there is
no love, is there? Luckily there is still a gray area.
In my next blog Borderline and Clinging to a relationship part 3 I
will discuss this aspect in more detail.
This was my blog post for now. Please click on my name below the "about me" heading and add me to your 'circles' of Google+ and you can get informed about my latest blog posts. Also, by adding me to your 'circles' you enable me to help you out with questions you might have. Feel free to start a chat with me at any time.
Until next time.
Forest
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