Story 1: wrong way of wanting to solve the problem
Natasha: mom I cannot do it anymore, my life is over! I am devastated of all the concerns and I cannot sleep. *cries*
This right there is a trigger of annoyance or the outsider, the person having Borderline Personality Disorder thinks that everything falls apart and gets stuck in her own self-pity. Of course this is really annoying for the outsider. You could get annoyed to death that a person can think like that about his or her life and you as an outsider can only observe and feeling powerless. But if you put it like this, you cannot laugh a lot really when someone you care about has died or if someone just lost his or her relationship.
Yes, that is how intense a person with Borderline feels the pain and the sadness. The damage in the emotional perception of Natasha is severe that she keeps on craving for confirmation and love of which she is lacking at that moment. This is a recurring pattern. This seems strange, but it is true and it remains an empty space. Outsiders can fill this empty space by using simple words and giving a hug more often. Asking for it is something people with Borderline will not do, because it is being perceived as being weak. Natasha does this, because she wants to have faith in the people.
Let’s take a closer look at the words.
Natasha: “Mom I cannot do it anymore”
She does not see anything anymore, does she wear black shades? Or is she really getting depressed? Be careful, think about medication or try to take her problems really seriously. “My life is over”. This can indicate that Natasha has thoughts of killing herself and do not let the person get stuck in this and take her cry for attention really really seriously! “I am devastated by all concerns and I cannot sleep”. The person is so restless by all of the thoughts that he or she cannot sleep, you could do something about it by doing simple things.
You can do things like taking a shower for fifteen minutes before going to sleep, turning off your computer thirty minutes before you go to sleep. Yes this is a tough one, but still it is for the better. You can also smoke a cigarette if you smoke or listen to music on your MP3 player or watch a nice movie. Some things that help are to bathe one hour prior to sleeping or to drink some tea. *cries* yes a person with Borderline can be complicated.
Mother: “Natasha, go upstairs now!” a feeling of rejection number 1 “I want you to go to sleep right now!”
‘But don’t you get it that I cannot (if you do not understand me)’ it is late. Shoot I keep on making it worse (self destructive thought). Words are important to a person with Borderline. Every single word is taken extremely seriously when they are in a self destructive mood.
Natasha: “But mom I need you!”
A couple of simple words or a hug is all that it takes in most cases. “Don’t you see it?”. Try to show it more clearly that you understand the person.
Mother: “Yes I can see that, but you have to go to sleep now, I need rest too!”
This is entirely justified of the mother. Sometimes it is no longer possible to have a good talk between the person having Borderline and the mother. See, the mother has emotions too and this is the way it goes a lot of times. So as a person with Borderline, try to think about it in more detail, you do suck energy out of people, but it all has its reasons. There are two sides to every story.
Natasha “*swallows* But I cannot sleep, I am sad, I am so scared! Please help me!”
This is the aspect that people perceive as weak. As a person with borderline, try not to put it like that, this will make people walk away from you even more. I suggest putting it on an effective way. For example, I cannot sleep really well, could I have a cup of tea please? Just by saying this is a whole different way of acting and perhaps it is hard when feeling so sad, but you took a good step.
Mother: “I want you to stop this right now, that miserable behavior of yours! Stop it, it is enough! Upstairs, now!”
The person with Borderline feels like she is being attacked. She feels guilty and insecure, because the other person says that his or her behavior is not right. The person hates herself and thinks that her mother does not like her anymore. This happens because of fear and because this has happened in the past by traumas or other things that still need to be processed. She cannot help it, it still needs to be processed and the brain keeps on repeating a pattern that fills up the damage, just to give it a name.
In your past, something must have happened and got to you big time. In the present you can still experience the same feelings while it is not necessary. You still experience feelings from past events? Go see a professional, but stick to reality. The people around you love you, no matter how weird it might sound to you right now.
Natasha: *screams everything all together or takes an overdose or goes cutting herself*
In this case it depends on how hard you want to fight to stop this from happening.
How to go on from here? You can read that in my next blogs.
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Until next time.