Borderline and asking for attention – Real life stories (what is the best way to respond?)

Hi everyone, welcome to the second blog about people with Borderline and why they ask for attention so much. My previous blog was more about the theory behind this fact. You can read it here.

This blog provides real life stories to make you see what way works for someone with Borderline and what way does not. Here we go.

Story 1: Wrong way of wanting to solve the problem

This story is told by a girl named Natasha and her mother.

Natasha: mom, I cannot do it anymore! My life is over! I am devastated by all of the concerns and I cannot sleep *cries*

Her mom: Natasha, go upstairs now, I want you to go to sleep right now, it is late.

Natasha: But mom, I need you! Don’t you see that?!

Her mom: Yes I can see that, but you have to go to sleep now, I also need rest!

Natasha: *swallows* But I cannot sleep. I am sad, I am so scared! Please help me!

Her mom: I want you to stop this right now, that miserable behavior of yours! Stop it, it is enough! Upstairs, now!

Natasha: *screams everything all together* or *takes an over dose* or *goes cutting herself*

Story 2: Good way of wanting to solve the problem

This story is told by a girl named Natasha and her mother.

Natasha: mom, I cannot do it anymore! My life is over! I am devastated by all of the concerns and I cannot sleep *cries*

Her mom: Natasha, girl, I know that there is a lot going on inside your head right now. We can talk about this on a different time so you can share, but at this moment it is really late. I would appreciate it when you would go to sleep right now. I believe that you can do it and so should you.

Natasha: Mom that is so sweet of you! You really understand how I feel! Will it ever be okay again?

Her mom: Yes, as long as you believe in it, I believe in you. Sometimes I can see you struggling and this makes me feel tired too. Let’s go to sleep now and have sweet dreams about better times even when it is not like that right now. At least you can sleep just fine. Let’s not argue, because that is what you are afraid of, right? I will make sure of it.

Natasha: Oh, that is great! You totally get me! I will go to sleep mom, I am eternally grateful.

Her mom: Good night dear, you sleep now okay?

Natasha: You bet I will mom.

Explanation of story 1

This story makes you see that the mother’s response to the things her daughter says is not effective. A part of this has to do with the fact that she is totally worn out. Even the slightest effort to talk to her daughter in a calm way seems to be unsuccessful. This is the biggest mistakes families make in regards to children that need attention, they really need it. The cause is that they are so insecure about any single thing that is going on.

I know, acting effectively requires a lot of energy, but yet you as an outsider get a lot of that energy back from the person having Borderline Personality Disorder.

In my next blog I will perform an extensive analysis about what happens exactly. Because of the length of this analysis I have decided to dedicate a separate post to it. You can read it here.

This was my blog post for now. Please click on my name below the "about me" heading and add me to your 'circles' of Google+ and you can get informed about my latest blog posts. Also, by adding me to your 'circles' you enable me to help you out with questions you might have. Feel free to start a chat with me at any time.

Until next time.

Forest

Borderline and asking for attention

Very often I hear outsiders say that people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ask for attention to such a degree that it is exhaustive. Yes I can sure believe that fact, it is not easy. I hear a mom say “my child just begs me for my attention”. A woman says “My husband can never take care of himself”. Or a son says that his sister screams all the time. Yes all of that can happen when being involved with a person having BPD. But what if I told you there is an explanation for this?

So what is the deal here?

Someone having BPD is asking for attention so much, but why is he or she asking for attention all the time? First of all, let’s clarify something here the words “begging for attention” or “asking for attention” are not the right words. See, people with Borderline “ask for support”, because they have had a hard time and still have with the live they lead. When they had a choice, they would not bother anyone with their issues.

The fact of the matter is they need people, because the person with Borderline feels everything more strongly. Then, what should I do? The best advice I can give you is to still think of your own energy level. Can you handle the person with Borderline or put effort into helping him or her? That is great of course. You cannot? That is fine too, just do not put effort in it or try to handle the person. It will only make you go into a direction you do not want to go to.

Either way, what you should do at all times is to gently express your feelings toward someone with Borderline. I cannot emphasize this often enough, because when you express your feelings roughly, you will cross the border of the patient with BPD and you can guess what happens next. In my next blog I will provide two different examples for you to see what way to respond to keep the borderline engaged in the conversation. You can also see an example which shows you a way of responding that would not be a good idea.

Want to go to the next blog already? Click here.

This was my blog post for now. Please click on my name below the "about me" heading and add me to your 'circles' of Google+ and you can get informed about my latest blog posts. Also, by adding me to your 'circles' you enable me to help you out with questions you might have. Feel free to start a chat with me at any time.

Until next time.

Forest

 

Borderline and clinging to a relationship part 3

Here we are, we have arrived at the last part of this series about borderline and clinging to relationships. Did you have a chance to read my last two blog posts? If not, you can read part one here and part two here.

The best strategy for everybody suffering from abandoning anxiety; there are alternatives. Think about that gray area I talked about in my last blog post. When you are single you can do everything you wish and you can date others, in moderation of course. You can go out with your friends more, because you spend less time hanging out with your lover on the weekends. You can post that awesome picture of yourself without French kissing with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Let’s think about it this way! That vision you had, so great so romantic with the love of your life, or let’s say your ex? That vision will get back to you eventually with the right person in it. And another thing, where did our favorite quote “An individual is the strongest when on its own”? People with Borderline Personality Disorder do not believe in that, but of course they really want to. If you do not believe in the quote I just mentioned you drive yourself crazy, see people with BPD can have a very heavy response to the loss of a relationship.

Let’s not go too deep here. It is also understandable, because someone having BPD is attaching so much importance to his or her partner by the extreme amount of love. This is a beautiful thing and this amount of love you can pass on to another person. Just keep on fighting, no matter how bad a situation is. No matter how many relationships you will lose, you will find your true love in the end. Trust me.

This was my blog post for now. Please click on my name below the "about me" heading and add me to your 'circles' of Google+ and you can get informed about my latest blog posts. Also, by adding me to your 'circles' you enable me to help you out with questions you might have. Feel free to start a chat with me at any time.

Until next time.

Forest